So He IS Self-Aware!
by Jimperbam
Summary: Spock is curious and a tad worried when Jim falls into a heavy bout of life-and-universe pondering. Fortunately, Jim is most definitely feeling up to sharing his epiphany.


Thank you all so much for the kind words and favorites on Jim's Observation Deck! I just want to hug all of you! Well, I'm glad you liked it, 'cuz I've got at least two more in the oven. But on to this. I have this headcanon that when Jim gets really excited about something, he turns into a five-year-old on a sugar high. This one and Jim's Observation Deck are funny, and I've got another funny one on the way, but I will be getting angstier for the fourth. I hope you all decide to stick around for it!

Disclaimer: [has run out of witty lines to describe how she doesn't own Star Trek]

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The Enterprise was quiet, and no one really understood what that meant for at least three days. Predictably, Spock was the first one to realize the lack of noise. It took him eighty-two hours by his calculation. He supposed it was because he was enjoying the tranquility so much that he didn't bother searching for the reason behind it.

"Keptin!" Chekov said for the fourth time.

"Huh?" The captain, who had been staring a hole in the floor, blinked and looked up. He seemed surprised to find himself surrounded by people. "Sorry, what is it?"

"Ve have new assignment to transport cargo between space stations. Shall ve make for Space Station Ardrik?"

"Oh. Yeah, should be fun. I'm sure we can find a way to spice up a boring old transport mission. Punch it."

And though Jim spoke with all the excitement and energy he was known for, his expression immediately turned blank and he went back to staring at the extremely fascinating floor.

Spock observed the exchange curiously and with a measure of concern. Jim appeared to be drowning in thought, and while it was well known that he was a genius, he rarely went into reveries in public.

"Captain," the Vulcan murmured, "I would like to inquire about the status of your health."

Jim looked up. "Excuse me?"

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, of course. Why?"

"You've been extraordinarily quiet for the past few days. It is uncharacteristic of you."

To Spock's surprise, Jim broke into his trademark glowing grin. "I _have_ been quiet, haven't I?" he agreed cheerily. "I've just been _thinking_, Spock, and I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. I'll tell you once I get there."

Spock nodded once and let the subject drop. He had to admit he was intrigued. What in the universe could James T. Kirk be pondering so furiously?

It was five hours from the time Jim left Spock the conn before instinct drove him to seek his captain. It was illogical, but he had this nagging feeling that not all was as it appeared with Jim's epiphany. He left Sulu in charge and combed the halls.

Jim was relatively easy to find: he was the only color in an empty room that looked out into the black expanse of space. He had his face pressed to the thick glass. Spock followed Jim's line of sight, wondering if he was interested in something in particular, but the abyss remained as impassive as ever.

"Captain?" Spock called quietly. "Might I ask what you're doing? Is there something out there?"

Jim whirled around. His blue eyes sparkled; his entire being was alight with pure enlightenment. He held out his arms as though to gesture to the universe of his epiphany. "I got it," he said simply, his tone laden with barely suppressed excitement.

"I would be very interested to hear the conclusion to your musings."

The beaming grin faltered slightly. "Well, I don't know if it would mean the same to you-it's kind of a personal- but important! It's important to me, and I feel accomplished for realizing it."

"I would be honored to share in any revelation that is of import to you."

"Alright, awesome, but we've got to go to sickbay. Bones will want to hear this."

Spock was so taken aback by the level of sheer energy his friend exuded that he allowed himself to be borderline dragged down to the doctors' domain. He was convinced that Jim's discovery would change lives. It had to be some sort of mind-blowing equation of quantum physics, or a cure to a terminal illness, or-

"Bones!" Jim shouted gleefully the second they burst into sickbay. "I've got it!"

Bones heaved a sigh. "What do you have this time and how long have you had it?"

"No, I'm not sick! I've had my epiphany! Y'know, why I've been completely unresponsive for the past few days? I figured it out!"

Bones folded his arms and leaned against the table, trying and failing to appear disinterested. "Well?" he invited.

"I'm an idiot!"

Spock's mouth fell open very slightly.

Bones squinted in confusion at the grinning younger man. "Um...come again?"

"I've been thinking about stuff lately. Stuff that's happened to me, to us, to the Enterprise. It's not like nobody knows how reckless I am. Hell, I'd skydive from here to a planet's surface for kicks. But I've done some really _dumb_ stuff that should have gotten me killed. It didn't occur to me until I was remembering...well, I was remembering the thing with Nero. In retrospect, it was a damn good adventure. I'd do some of it again. And you'd think it would bother me that I have no sense of self-preservation, but I really couldn't care less! And so," Jim concluded, bowing theatrically to Bones, "I must congratulate you on calling it. I _am_ an idiot."

Bones' arms flopped limply to his sides. He mumbled faintly, "I never thought I'd see the day. Jim, I...I had no idea you were self-aware."

Jim shrugged. "Don't think I was until recently," he replied lightly. "Spock? What do you think?"

Spock took a moment to organize is thoughts before answering. "I am glad you have become aware that your more irresponsible actions, while perhaps exhilarating at the time, will likely cause you harm and are therefore unwise."

"Yeah, maybe you'll stop having to come down here every other weekend," Bones put in.

"Whoa!" Jim held up his hands, laughing. "Hold on a second! Just because I'm _aware_ that my stupid stunts are dangerous, doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing them! C'mon, you guys know me better than that! This is just me publicly acknowledging that my actions have repercussions. I still don't care."

Spock closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Bones' fingers drifted towards the nearest scalpel. Jim just smiled at his friends. He didn't expect them to be as excited about the whole thing as he was. These reactions, while predictable, were very satisfying.

"It took you three days to work that out," Bones stated blankly. "I've been telling you that for the better part of five years, and yet you take three days to figure it out for yourself."

"It is my experience, Doctor, that it is impossibly to _tell_ the good captain anything," Spock said with the barest coloring of sarcasm.

Jim quickly looked at Spock, but it was without heat. "There's a part two. It's more for you, but I want Bones here as a witness that I can act my age." He squared his shoulders and looked Spock straight in the eye. Spock was mildly apprehensive for what would come; the two of them had only had such contact on more serious occasions.

"I'm also aware that I can be a monumental jerk, and it's a bit more frequent than I'd like to admit. I...I never  
formally apologized for taunting you. I mean, you know why I had to, but I said some awful things. Even though you  
got me back pretty good...the point is, I should have apologized before now. I'm sure your mother was an amazing  
woman, and I'd do anything to get her back for you. So, we good?"

Time had slowed for Spock. Jim's words gained and lost volume as the Vulcan recalled that fateful encounter on the bridge. He had largely forgotten about the exchange once he learned the reasoning behind it. And for Jim to say that about his mother...

"Did I piss you off again?" Jim asked cautiously.

Spock forced himself to reign in the surge of emotion and focus on those bright blue eyes. "Though I know you find comfort in it, there is no need to apologize. I forgave you soon after the incident. I am not proud of the way I responded, but I suppose it was, as you said, payback. We are indeed fine."

Jim beamed and held out a hand. "I know you don't like hugs."

Spock was millimeters from rolling his eyes in amusement, but he grasped his friend's hand in the very human gesture of peace and reconciliation.

When the two broke apart, they found Bones a third of the way through a bottle of whiskey. "Universe is ending," he muttered. "Jim apologized and admitted I was right. I don't wanna be sober for whatever freakish episode is next."

"Aw, Bones, come on!" Jim threw an arm around the doctor. "You should be celebrating! I'm actually growing up!"

"Get out of my sickbay before I stick you full of hyposprays."

Jim flashed yet another grin and motioned Spock towards the door.

"You're very proud of yourself, aren't you?" Spock inquired as they made their way back to the bridge.

"The proudest."

"You could be even more proud if you followed the wisdom of your epiphany."

"Oh, Spock. How very _logical_ of you."


End file.
